Wednesday, 20 June 2012

Back to earth with a bump.....

On Monday we were back at Basingstoke for my second CT scan this year. Basically to get another look at the area of reoccurrence that was found on my CT in January (a growth the size of a marble on the small bowel) to see if it’s grown and if so by how much? This will then indicate how aggressive it is. I guess the images will also show if there are any other areas of re-occurrence that have appeared since the last scan.
 I also had bloods taken to test the kidney function (eGFR) prior to the scan and the usual pseudo follow up bloods to measure tumour markers. Last time these were clear and hopefully will remain so this time around. A bit of advice here for all newbie’s to the world of Basingstoke Hospital; always allow extra time for the bloods clinic. It’s always a very busy department and even with a “fast track” appointment we were sat there for nearly two hours (partially due to a screw up in the fast track system). Thankfully the CT scanner was less busy and slightly ahead of schedule.

 In the last few months we have been busy getting on with our lives. Keeping house, working, running the kids here and there and family days out. It’s good that we lead such a busy lifestyle as it helps us to compartmentalise things and put away the Pseudomyxoma stuff in the box at the deep dark recess of our minds. It ‘kinda works for a while. Problem is, as we have found with this beast is it always finds away to resurface at some point or another. And I guess it’s healthy that it does. To lock away such strong emotions usually ends up with them manifesting themselves in other area’s. It’s just too big a thing to lock away and ignore...

 And of course the recent visit to Basingstoke brought us back to earth with a bump and the realisation that we are now on a direct crash course to MOAS mk II has done just that. Tracey in particular has found it hard and the realisation that we potentially only have weeks left before we have to do battle again has finally hit home. But, if history repeats itself then in a couple of day’s time she will be feeling better and ready to face the world again.
 I too go through the daily mental challenge that I guess any cancer sufferer does. Some mornings the alarm goes off and you think “I really can’t be bothered today” (come to that I suspect most people think that first thing on a morning!). Then the suppression of the negative thoughts kicks back in and again you stuff them back into the little black box at the back of the mind. It’s a constant mental struggle that we (and those close to us) go through daily. Wrestling constantly to suppress the overwhelming feelings of anger, frustration, grief and self pity and beat them back with positivity, smiles and determination. Luckily most days the positive “angel” wins, some days when you are tired or have a hard day at the office the “PMP devil” gains the upper hand.

 So now we take a deep breath and await the call and at the same time start to make plans, preparations and gather our armies of positivity and build ourselves up ready for the next onslaught.....

                                          Gustav Dore- The Battle of Angels -Paradise Lost

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